No One’s Going To Do It For You

My son is in 8th grade. He is a really smart kid, but he, like most 14 year olds, is lazy.  He likes the path of least resistance, and given the choice between doing homework and playing xBox or Minecraft or watching videos on YouTube (not that I actually GIVE him a choice, but that’s another post for another day), guess what wins?  Yeah, not so much with the homework. Up until this year, he has gotten great grades with minimal effort.  This is the first year where he has actually be required to put his nose to the grindstone and work for it.  And guess what?  His grades have sucked this year.  I mean really! BAD!

It’s kind of embarrassing because his Language Arts teacher is a friend of mine and I cringe when I do my weekly check of his online gradebook and see D’s and F’s in her class. I’ve tried talking to him.  He glazes over and it’s like talking to a wall. This last quarter, my teacher friend has assigned a project that was assigned at the beginning of the quarter and is due in mid-May. Her rationale, I’m sure, is to teach her students how to take a big huge project and break it down in to weekly milestones so they’ll be better prepared for such things in high school.

The project was assigned right before Spring Break and my son came home all excited to go out and buy the binder and dividers and such for his portfolio. And he kept talking about how great it was going to be and how he was going to get a head start on the project during Break. So imagine my surprise when I checked the gradebook a few weeks later and saw a row of F’s for his portfolio checks! Then I got an email from his teacher… my friend… telling me he was WAY behind on the project.

Yep, got it! So, I sat my son down that night for a heart to heart talk. I told him that life is pretty simple – you can either wait for someone to hand you success (and plan to wait a really long time and be pretty unsuccessful in the meantime) or you can decide to take the reins of your life and GET SUCCESS.  I don’t know if I broke through or not, I suppose time will tell.  And I suppose there are those who would say I’m a bad parent because I’m not making sure he’s keeping up to date with his school work.  But dang it, he’s 14 years old and I’m sick and tired of wanting his success for him more than he wants it for himself! His success is up to him, not me. I love him dearly, but I cannot and will not do the heavy lifting for him – he has to learn to do it and want to do it for himself.

I think there are a lot of people out there like my son.  People who are plenty smart and who have a lot of talent in certain areas, but they are waiting for someone to hand them success.  Let me say it again:

No one is going to hand you success!

You must go out and get it yourself!

Stop waiting! We all have everything we need inside us at this very moment to be WILDLY successful! Why do we drag our feet?

Fear?

Fear of what?  Failure?

When we sit back on the edges of life and wait for success to come find us rather than running out to meet it, aren’t we just failing by default?

My son seems to be waiting for something to light a fire under his rear-end to get rolling on his project, but has a gradesheet full of F’s in the meantime.  He’s FAILING! And there’s no reason for it.  He’s smart enough.  He has the resources and the tools and the time to get the job done.  But he’s just not taking action.

Sure there will always be shiny objects to distract us from what we need to be doing in any given moment, but are those distractions going to take us where we ultimately want to go? I hope I can make my son understand this lesson before it really bites him in the butt next year in high school.

As for me, I’m going to ride my bike!

Psst… I’ll Tell You A Secret

Psst… I’ll Tell You A Secret

Image Credit: 123RF.com

When Deb and I sat down on Tuesday, November 8, 2016, to begin our most recent round of coaching, she immediately tasked me with re-creating my “bucket list.”  This was a list of 30 things that I wanted to do, be, or have in my life.  The list could consist of ANYTHING – from huge, Level 1 goals like solving the healthcare crisis in America to super-simple Level 3 goals like getting a new pair of sunglasses.  I had the entire world of options at my disposal.  I came back to session #2 with my list of 30 things and proudly read it to Deb. Like most of our clients, I quickly discovered, much to my dismay, that my list was, in fact, composed of a bunch of very rhetorical statements that I had absolutely no emotional attachment to. Damn!

So, I went back to the drawing board. I started asking myself the hard questions:

  • What do I really want?
  • How do I want to send my days?
  • What feeds my soul?
  • What things/people/events/opportunities will help me live a joyous and fulfilled life?
  • What is my PURPOSE?

So, at session #3 I present Bucket List 2.0, and although I didn’t know “HOW” a lot of that list would ever transpire, I just knew that I wanted them.

Last week, without any warning whatsoever, TWO of my Top 5 Bucket List items fell into my lap.

Anyone who has read more than 3 of my blog posts knows that I have a great affection and respect for my friend, one of the people who inspired me to start training for triathlon, Meredith Atwood.  One of my top 5 bucket list items was to collaborate with her on a program.  I didn’t know what kind of program or what the topic would be. We had kicked the tires on some concepts before, but she is always going Mach 5 with her hair on fire and the timing just wasn’t right; however, it continued to be a goal, albeit a longer-term goal.

Another of my Top 5 bucket list items was to spend my days “playing” on social media and actually get paid to do it!

So, imagine my surprise and delight when I received an email from Meredith last week that started off, “Hey lady! So. I have been marinating on a new program, and I wanted to see if you and Deb might want to be involved with.”

WHAT?

UHM, YES!

And guess what?  The platform of the program is Facebook-based, so I will indeed be spending my days “playing” on social media!

So, this brings me to the distinction between “allowing” and “forcing.” We have to ALLOW the things we want to come to us and know that if they are based in love and are in alignment with our values and our purpose, they WILL come – they might just not come on our timetable or exactly in the way we first envision them.  When we try to FORCE an outcome and exert our will, the outcome is generally not what we hoped it would be.

Now, what is this new program?  It’s called “Your Brave Mind” and you can read more about it here and here. And it’s going to be amazing!

In a nutshell, Your Brave Mind will be a series of online events (hosted on Facebook) that will each cover a different topic in the area of mental toughness.  The first event is on the bully in your brain! Cool huh?

The bully is that little voice that speaks to you whenever you try to step outside of ​the box​, tackle new challenges,​ ​or​ make a ​significant ​change in your life. Everyone has​ tha​t voice, it’s just that some bullies are much louder and meaner than others. In only 5 days you will gain the awareness​ (and tools)​ you need to tame the bully in your brain​. You will discover:

  • What​ (or who?)​ the bully is
  • Why listening to the bully is the absolute worst thing we can do if we want to change an area of our life
  • How the bully got its voice
  • Why the bully is so mean
  • Why making the decision to change will never be enough
  • How to actually change the conversation with the bully in your brain

If you have ever struggled with the mean girl/guy in your head who tells you that you are terrible or that you can’t do something, etc., then this program is for you! Come join us!

  • Cost:  $24.97
  • Forum: Online group coaching via a closed Facebook Group
  • Duration:  5 Days
  • Starts:  Monday, May 8th

Register Now!

 

I can’t wait to get started!  🙂